We are often surprised to hear people describe themselves as looking to get married. It is as silly to us as describing yourself as looking to make a hundred million dollars; it can happen, but there is a lot that has to happen first.
These people are letting their desperation and anticipatory fears get the better of them. After only a date or two, they start talking to their friends about whether or not that they are going to marry this person. Sadly, they do not see how unrealistic and self-defeating this kind of behavior is.
Even if these musings are merely kept inside and never revealed to the other person or anyone else, that kind of attitude can put unnecessary pressures on the early stages of a relationship that can lead to its premature demise, unless you happen to have found a person who is also desperate to get married.
Even then, I would not give such a marriage a good chance of becoming enchanted. Keep your eye on the prize of building a great relationship founded on caring, thoughtfulness, friendship, and mutual support and then surely love, marriage, and great sex are sure to follow.
Here is Monte & Amy's How Not To Find Your Soulmate Check List from our book, "The Soulmate Path":
On it are most of the silly, fear-based things that people do that limit their opportunities to find their soul mate or even just to have a good time. You may want to add a few things to it, based on your own experiences.
1) □ Do not let anyone know how much or how little you are interested in them, either romantically or otherwise. If they somehow figure it out, deny it.
2) □ Do not let the topic of conversation stray away from you. Make it clear that all you think about is yourself by not paying any attention to other people’s words, deeds, or body language.
3) □ Do not forget to be abusive, ignore everyone’s feelings, complain constantly, and be critical of everyone and everything. Show that you are greedy, impossible to please, and love saying mean things about people behind their backs.
4) □ Do not fail to judge potential partners by your own list of must-have traits: looks, money, job, family, status, religion, size, shape, hair, color, etc. (You know, the list that has gotten you into your present situation dozens of times!)
5) □ Do not avoid talking about who you think is “hot” and your previous marriages and romances, if any. Do not make eye contact with your date but look at any other attractive or important people who are anywhere near you.
6) □ Do not fail to act superficial, bored, and indifferent about the talents, accomplishments, and interests of your new soul mate and show that you feel that people who are totally committed and passionate about anything are naïve if not total idiots.
7) □ Do not apologize if you are late or for anything else, even if your actions have obviously hurt the person you supposedly love. Make sure you never, ever forgive them or let them forget any of their mistakes.
8) □ Do not like your potential soul mate’s pet(s), beloved family, or close friends. Even better, make it clear that you like them a little too much.
9) □ Do not fail to act jealous and possessive and be sure to tell your potential soulmate you want to control their behavior and change them for their own good.
10) □ Do not tell the truth to your potential soul mate. Do not care if they see you are a pathetic liar, a scheming phony, or have no idea what is real, who you are, or how you feel about anything.
11) □ Do not forget to mention how the two of you should get married and have children when you are on one of your first (and soon to be one of your last) dates. If you have children already, the choice is yours: either do not mention them at all or talk about nothing else.
12) □ Do not forget that getting drunk or otherwise stoned will make all the other eleven “Do not’s” easier, and as a bonus, will show your potential soul mate you are seriously troubled and trying to escape from reality!
We would be lying if we told you that we never manifested any of these behaviors before or during our courtship and that our relationship progressed on a straight line towards enchantment. We were exploring our opportunities and our powers, just like young people have done since our race was created, and we were sometimes a bit clumsy at it.
More than a few times, it looked like we would not move closer than our fears and bad habits would allow.
Our meeting happened a long time ago. Though it is impossible for us to remember exactly what we were thinking, we can say with certainty that neither of us was looking to get married, in fact, the opposite was true. We found in each other someone who did not want to manipulate us into marriage or any other way. We did not have a laundry list of qualities we were looking for or what we could not stand in a potential boyfriend or girlfriend.
We were open to the moment and therefore able to see with our own eyes, not the eyes of who we used to be or those who had influenced our development. The reason that we persevered and, in seven short months, decided to live together “for the summer” was that we each got a certain something out of being with each other that we knew we could not get from being with anyone else. That is the first sign that you may have met your soul mate!
Here's a link to our book that the above is taken from, "The Soulmate Path"
THE HOW-NOT-TO-FIND-YOUR-SOULMATE CHECKLIST
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